I'm back in the UK after almost a year of non-stop travel. But don't worry, I'll be jetting off again soon, I just need some time at home to heal. Travelling for such a long time has taken its toll on my mental health, and the anxiety I thought I left behind on British soil has reared its ugly head once more.
Now I'm not stupid, I know travel can't cure all, but I think a small part of me believed that by leaving behind the regular things that cause stress (work, living with parents, etc) I might be able to finally free myself of my unstable moods. Well unfortunately that hasn't been the case but my god have I learnt some important lessons on this journey, and regardless of the lows I feel mentally stronger than ever.
Long term travel isn't always easy. From constantly worrying about if I can afford things, to struggling to find accommodation, and transportation every few weeks, it can be a lot. But that's not to say it hasn't been rewarding. I've overcome SO many challenges in the last few months, and I genuinely believe that I can do anything I put my mind to now. I'm the most confident I've ever been and I owe that to the numerous problems I've come across and delt with recently.
But there is also nothing wrong with admitting it's time to come home.
If I'm honest part of me is disappointed I couldn't keep on top of my wavering moods. I've done the therapy, I've put in the work, and for the most part I've been so happy knowing I'm finally living the life I've always wanted. So yes sometimes I feel a little frustrated with myself for coming back home. But then I try to remember just how far I've come.
A few years ago I could barely even get on a bus alone without being consumed with anxiety. Something as simple as being in a crowd of people would fill me with dread. Anxiety attacks were just a way of life for me back then, but now that couldn't be further from my reality. I barely even recognise the girl I was then and I'm genuinely proud of that.
So I'll be catching my flight again soon. I'll pass through airport security on my own, endure a few long haul flights alone with my thoughts, and check myself back into a shitty Sydney hostel to start my Australian life once more. And when I close my eyes on that very first night back in Oz, I'll know that my demons will be watching, but I'm the one who controls them.
If you're also struggling with anxiety, Mind has a helpful page on symptoms, causes, treatments, and more.
Thanks for reading!
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Oh Naomi thank you so much angel. You and the girls are honestly the most supportive friends! ❤️
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