Birmingham, UK


So I've had a bit of an up and down few months. For the most part life is good, I'm happy, I have a good relationship, I'm healthy (most of the time), things are okay. But I've had a lot of down days recently too. Days when I'm feeling sad, I feel very very sad. It doesn't take a lot to upset me and I've cried a lot over literally nothing. I guess the post graduation depression is real and I'm feeling it. 

Well today I don't want to focus on that because for every bad day there are so many more good ones. And they don't even have to be amazing to be good, sometimes I'll just have this sudden realisation that I'm alive and I can do whatever I want. Sometimes I'll just have a sudden burst of confidence and motivation out of nowhere and believe me that's a rare thing when you are on a job hunt. I think not being in the right job is also affecting me at the moment. I know what I want, I just need an employer to give me a chance to show them I can do it! I'm trying to keep positive but its just so hard when all I see myself qualified for is unpaid internships. 

But again, that's not what I really wanted to talk about. I wanted to have a chat about the little wins in life. The tiny moments when you know you did well. For me lately these have mostly been anxiety related. I've wanted to give a kind of update on that front for a while because I really believe I've come so far. I'm sure I'll find the time to do that one day but right now I'll just tell you about some of my little wins lately.

One of the biggest things for me with my anxiety was going places on my own. I hate being alone and I really hate being alone on public transport. I'm not sure why it's such a problem for me but I just really dislike it. The last few months however I have made such an effort to spend time alone, catch busses and trains alone, and go to blogger events all on my own. It's still a scary experience when you've only got yourself to rely on but I'm sure I will get used to it eventually.

I've also started applying for jobs a lot more frequently. I'm super scared of rejection and I think that has put me off applying for jobs in the past but I'm getting to a point where I'm not so scared someone will turn me down. I've applied for jobs I'm probably underqualified for because what does it matter? They can only say no. I haven't lost anything and maybe one day someone will give me feedback on why I didn't make the cut.

I've also started saving for a mortgage. Houses are expensive, like really really expensive, and I'm not even sure where to start with buying a home if I'm honest. The whole thing is quite overwhelming and just generally scary but it's got to be done at some point so I might as well just bite the bullet and start my home owning journey. In January Sean and I set up our help to buy ISA's and although we've barely got 1/5 of our deposit together, its something.

My little wins might seem seriously little to some, but right now they are the only thing I've got. I feel like since leaving university I'm not really working towards anything in particular and that's not a great feeling. I'm working the same job I was 4 years ago and as a graduate I expected so much more. But my life is only just starting, I have to much more to learn, and see, and do, and I know that I'll find my happy place soon.

Thanks for reading!

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1 comment

  1. I think you need to count on the little wins to see you through sometimes, because they all add up to a bigger picture. Going out of your way to tackle your anxiety is AMAZING and I wish I was as confident as you about blogging events! The idea of going along even with company gives me the fear haha. As for your saving for a mortgage - I'm trying to put money away, too, for an eventual deposit or something. It seems so far off but I'm sure it'll pay off in the end. xx


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