DEALING WITH LOSING MY DOG

As a you might know, a few weeks back I lost my dog Blue. It was a really difficult time for us, we all completely shut off from the world and I stopped blogging for a while. Nothing made sense anymore and I just wanted to stay in bed. For those of you without pets you might not be able to relate, but loosing Blue was such a big thing for us and coping with it was really hard. Today I really wanted to write about my dog passing away and coping with loss. This isn't so much a 'how to' but more of me sharing how my family and I dealt with it.

For the first few days it didn't sink in at all. It happened really suddenly one night and we never expected it at all. I was actually starting to prepare dinner for me and Sean when dad shouted to me that the dog wasn't breathing. He had stepped outside to give him his dinner when he found him unconscious. He was only about 7 and we don't really know what caused it but we assumed he had a heart attack in his sleep.

I had work the next day and I was completely distraught. I cried all morning and had to go home early as I just couldn't cope. We decided now was a good time as ever to bury our baby who had been lying in his basket all night, he still looked at though he was sleeping.

We decided to bury him as we couldn't really afford to get him cremated and none of us really liked that idea much anyway. We bought Blue from a Springer Spaniel breeder not too far away who owned a farm. We would kennel him here when we went away and his mom and other relatives still lived here. The breeders were kind enough to set aside a plot of land where we could bury Blue. We liked the idea of him being back where he belonged, and he was buried there that afternoon.

That whole day is still a bit of a blur, that whole week was actually. What had happened just didn't sink in, its like my head couldn't understand that Blue was gone. Burying my baby was just such a surreal experience for all of us, my sister didn't even cry.

In the days after Blue passed away we all dealt with it very differently. I cried my eyes out every night and found it hard to sleep. Even in the day I would burst into tears until I just couldn't cry anymore. My sister teared up a few times but she didn't cry, not really. Even now I'm not sure she's taken it all in. My dad took blue for walks everyday and he's been really lost. I'll go for the occasional walk with him but its not the same, his best friend has gone and nothing can replace that. I think moms dealt really well with the whole thing, that or she's just staying strong for dad.

One of the first things we did when we got back on that afternoon was dig out some of photos of Blue. We didn't have as many as we thought but the ones we did have summed up his personality perfectly. We decided to frame a couple of these photos and put them in the living room where they still are now. At first it really hurt to see him up there, knowing we would never see him again, I think It even made dad cry. I think looking back through old photos and hanging them up helped us all to grieve properly.

After a few days had passed dad decided to clear out his basket. It was really hard to get rid of Blue's blanket covered in his hair and scent. Clearing away his things made it final that he wasn't coming back. He was never really bothered by toys but he did have a teddy that we decided we wanted to bury with him. Now there's just an empty space where his basket used to be, although its sad we knew we couldn't keep it there forever.

It's been a few weeks since we lost Blue and although we still miss him and I occasionally cry myself to sleep thinking about him, things have got easier. We've been trying to keep ourselves busy and get back into our routines, none of us could really afford to have time off work so things went back to normal quite quickly. About 3 weeks ago we went on our first holiday without him and as it was only April dogs are allowed on all the beaches. Thinking about Blue running around those beaches really hurt and honestly none of us really enjoyed that holiday.

Loosing Blue has really hit us all hard but slowly we are coming to terms with it. Eventually we will start looking for a new puppy, but nothing will ever replace the time and the bond we had with our gorgeous, smelly, gentle baby Blue.

Thanks for reading!

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